10. Your important dictation somehow seems to go "blah blah blah I am a slavedriving prick."

9. A copy of the latest bestseller "So, Your Head's Up Your Ass, Now What?" appears on your     desk.

8. When did FTD start doing an "Fuck You" Bouquet?

7. It's not so much the cold coffee, it's the staples at the bottom of the cup.

6. Your big business dinner at the Four Seasons Restaurant in Manhattan is rescheduled for Jeb's 24-Hour Truck Stop outside of Newark.

5. Nude picture of Marlon Brando pops up in your Powerpoint presentation.

4. Now answers the phone, "Smith, Jones and Tightass."

3. That NY-to-LA trip she booked for you now involves six plane changes, a 12-hour layover in Guam and a personal appearance on Ricki Lake's "I'm A Selfish Pig" episode.

2. New org chart lists your position as "Head Up His Ass."

and the Number 1 Sign You Forgot Someone On Secretaries Day...

1. Expense report you don't recall submitting comes back with denied charges for "beer & hookers."