1. The most erotic experience a woman over 35 can have is:
        a. having her knees rubbed with sour cream
        b. simultaneously using the food processor, the blender, and the microwave
        c. reading a sex quiz
        d. shopping for shoes

2. When a businessman buys a red Mercedes, he is hoping to:
        a. acquire a mistress
        b. attract his neighbor's wife
        c. preserve his youth
        d. get a tax write-off

3. A marriage is in trouble when the husband brings home from the video store:
        a. Kitten with a Whip
        b. Sex Slaves of New Haven
        c. Emmanuelle II meets Rocky IV
        d. The girl who works behind the counter

4. Condoms are not recommended for use:
        a. before the 15th of the month
        b. after the 15th of the month
        c. immediately after sex
        d. children under 10

5. Religious families generally have large families because:
        a. they generally have more children
        b. they just have natural rhythm
        c. the Bible forbids television
        d. they're just lucky

6. The Bible condemns homosexuals because:
        a. they go to the theater a lot
        b. they look too much like heterosexuals
        c. they don't keep two sets of clothes
        d. it's impossible to determine who should take out the garbage

7. After their 30th birthday, fewer than 10% of women ever achieve:
        a. multiple orchids
        b. a satisfactory weight-loss program
        c. a job that pays as much as a man's
        d. comfortable shoes

8. It is not uncommon for the average male to worry about the size of his:
        a. bank account
        b. piano
        c. office
        d. necktie

9. In addition to traditional methods, AIDS can also be transmitted by:
        a. petting goldfish
        b. handling chicken fat
        c. kissing the family dog
        d. bloody bar room brawls

10. Conception has been known to occur in:
        a. the ovarian tubes
        b. eustachian tubes
        c. the Euston tube station
        d. back seat of a Camaro

11. "Time of the month" refers to:
        a. ovulation
        b. undulation
        c. a new moon
        d. the weekend of AFC vs NFC championship

12. Testosterone is a kind of:
        a. Italian ice cream
        b. testimony given in an Italian court
        c. umpire in an Italian cricket match
        d. Italian chicken fat

13. An erogenous zone is an area where:
        a. women tend to fall asleep
        b. women tend to develop sudden headaches
        c. men tend to laugh before the punch line
        d. it is forbidden to park your rogenous

14. At least 50% of males suffer from premature:
        a. emasculation
        b. matriculation
        c. baldness
        d. laughter before the punch line

15. Judeo-Christian tradition frowns on:
        a. premarital sex
        b. post-marital sex
        c. the opposite sex
        d. carnal knowledge with non-kosher animals

16. The average frequency of sexual relations is:
        a. 78.8 megahertz
        b. 92.3 kilohertz
        c. 98.4 oyithertz
        d. depends on how often your wife works late

17. Which is not considered erotic vocabulary:
        a. doo-doo
        b. thingamajig
        c. doggie-woggie
        d. Who owns this pussy?

18. In your personal experience, sex is:
        a. overrated but undersupplied
        b. oversupplied but not overpriced
        c. over there but not over here
        d. over