Everyone who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Spot." I call mine "Sex." Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one, too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "But I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said, "You must have been quite a kid." When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said, "Every room in the place is for sex." I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." He said, "Me too." One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition he ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking around. I told him I was going to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. I said, "You don't understand, I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show-off. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." He said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married Sex left me. He said, "Me too." Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at four o'clock in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex." My case comes up next Friday.
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